Is Social Media Responsible for Loneliness?

Technology in and of itself is usually never a problem.  I don’t have to tell you that technology has changed all of our lives dramatically and what’s most amazing is that our generation has witnessed the birth of some fantastic technological discoveries and refinement’s.  We can even go back a short amount of time so Let’s be conservative and go back 200 years and note just 5 technologies that gave been introduced and fine-tuned within our society:

  • Electricity
  • Computers
  • Automobiles
  • Airplanes
  • Internet

Technology provides us with infrastructure and possibility at scale.  We have never been more comfortable and accessible.  Unfortunately we are humans and need to recognize that while technology can be introduced at blazing rates, our ability as utilize and integrate is still limiting for us.

Humans can still only process and produce feelings and emotions at an average rate.  Let’s not try to figure out what that exact “average” rate is, instead let’s just recognize that as a species, for most of our existence we have had a predisposition to process life at that “average” rate.  The number or quantity that this “average” equals is not critical.  For our purposes we are just using this “average” as a reference.

The human species has evolved for about 200,000 years according to some sources.  Our civilization has been around for about 6000 years.  If we factor in the technology that has drastically and consistently affected our lives let’s just call that number 200 years.

As a species we have been evolving for 200,000 years and over that time we have had only a handful of priorities (food, shelter, family and community).  These are the basics, I know there are many other aspects that are not included in this very vague summary, but this is the gist of what we have been in the habit of developing over the course of our civilization.

Now let’s consider technology and the impact it has made on our progress.  Man-made computers can process billions of instructions per second and are capable and fantastic.  Computers can count faster than humans; solve puzzles at blazing speeds, store massive amounts of information.  We all know that computers have been a revolutionary technology.  Computer companies stay competitive and relevant by making computers faster, cheaper and better.  In fact, all companies and manufactures strive for faster, cheaper, better.

Humans in every industry also compete by striving for faster, cheaper, better.  Employers expect selfless, dedicated, cheaper, always available employees.  Consumers expect impeccable, cheaper, always on quality services.  We have had 200,000 years to fine tune our food, shelter, family and community strategy and have confidently integrated our focus of faster, cheaper and better.

We track everything quickly with high precision and accountability.  Amazon reviews are rated on a scale from 1 to 5 stars.  Grade Point Averages are rated on a scale from 1 to 4, Credit score’s rated from 300-850.   Social Media operates on a scale from 1 to INFINITY with both “likes” and “friend count”.

Social Media is a technology that utilizes electricity and computers making this information available to most of our civilization almost instantly.  The technology has “faster” and “cheaper” covered but not necessarily “better”.  You have to ask yourself one question when reviewing technology and that is “To what extent is this product or service making my life better”?  For me, the answer in regards to Social Media is “Not better in many ways”, so I largely ignore these popular services.

I can appreciate becoming a better version of oneself by experiencing something delivered directly to your computer; this qualifies as “faster” and “cheaper”.  Having quality information and accurate news made readily available is the “better” portion, but this is subjectively where I feel social media can fall short.  I believe the “better” portion is limited because of how much information we can practically absorb and unfortunately “more” does not equal “better”. 

As per statista.com:

Facebook

“With 2.41 billion monthly active users as of the second quarter of 2019, Facebook is the biggest social network worldwide. In the third quarter of 2012, the number of active Facebook users surpassed one billion, making it the first social network ever to do so. Active users are those which have logged in to Facebook during the last 30 days. “

Instagram

In June 2018, Instagram had reached one billion monthly active users, up from 800 million in September 2017. The app is one of the most popular social networks worldwide.

Twitter

As of the first quarter of 2019, Twitter averaged 330 million monthly active users, a decline from its all-time high of 336 MAU in the first quarter of 2018. As of the first quarter of 2019, the company switched its user reporting metric to monetizable daily active users (mDAU).

We mentioned earlier that during our 200,000 years we have been focused on (food, shelter, family and community).  We have accomplished great feats over this period of time but for the sake of simplicity let’s extend that reference of “family” to also include “friends”.  Some questions to ask yourself:

  • How many friends do you have?
  • Has the number of friends for an individual increased significantly during the generations that have past?
  • How many friends do you need?

As per Wikipedia there is a reference to “Dunbar’s number” which is:

a suggested cognitive limit to the number of people with whom one can maintain stable social relationships—relationships in which an individual knows who each person is and how each person relates to every other person. He proposed that humans can comfortably maintain 150 stable relationships.

As per statistics from New Zealand:

Dunbar’s number is informally expressed as “the number of people you would not feel embarrassed about joining uninvited for a drink if you happened to bump into them in a bar”.

The statistics from New Zealand refer to “Supportive friends” which is significantly lower than Dunbar’s number.

Let’s just say that on average a person’s inner circle of friends is between 1 and 15 people.

Social media is pushing the limits on these numbers.  Many people are now exposed to the possibility of obtaining an almost endless number of “likes”, “friends”, “subscribers” and “followers”.  We have the ability to “comment” on an endless number of topics and “chat” with invisible faces anywhere on this planet.  People are inaccurately incorporating and interpreting the number of virtual “likes” and “friends” into their actual physical circle of friends.

It is not uncommon now to have 500 or more professional connections and 100’s of friends online, most of which you have never physically connected with.  When you review your entourage of virtual friends and begin to realize that you don’t actually know these people, and these people don’t actually know or care for you, disappointment and loneliness can occur. 

These social media virtual numbers are exaggerated and unnatural but your feelings take a hit (mainly loneliness) because you have created an illusion of friendship and the realization that these 100’s of friends are not real can be just as painful as losing a physical friendship.  A good tactic to help ground yourself and reduce loneliness is to realize that as a civilization, over the past 200,000 years, people have only had a handful of friends.  It is only over the past 20 years that we have slowly been introduced to the illusion of an endless supply of friends as being normal.

Every time a thought of loneliness related to your friend count occurs, remember that humans over their existence have mostly had a very small circle of friends.  Rinse and repeat the previous sentence in to your current thought each time you have a loneliness thought related to not having 100’s of friends and connections. It took a bit of time to create a dependency on virtual friends and it will take some time to break the habit, but it is absolutely possible.

Social media has great potential for creating unrealistic bad habits.  Social media is like sugar in your diet.  Sugar is an abundant cheap way to make food taste better.  Sugar has “faster” and “cheaper” covered but not “better”.  Used in proper proportions and sugar is ok.  Overuse or misuse sugar and you have to contend with a guaranteed slew of detrimental health benefits such as:

  • Overweight 
  • Diabetes
  • Weakened immune system
  • Chronic disease

Social media like sugar has “faster” and “cheaper” covered but not “better”.  Use it at a minimum and the technology can be extremely useful.  Over use or misuse social media and you will have to contend with a guaranteed slew of detrimental psychological issues such as:

  • Loneliness
  • Depression
  • Anxiety