When you take a closer look at loneliness and isolation sometimes you my ask the question, are they related? If so, then how are they related? And most important, what purpose do they serve?
Let’s first review the common definitions for both:
Loneliness
As per Wikipedia, loneliness is a complex and usually unpleasant emotional response to isolation. Loneliness typically includes anxious feelings about a lack of connection or communication with other beings, both in the present and extending into the future. As such, loneliness can be felt even when surrounded by other people and one who feels lonely, is lonely. The causes of loneliness are varied and include social, mental, emotional, and physical factors.
Isolation
As per Wikipedia, isolation is the process or fact of isolating or being isolated and may refer to (isolation ward, isolation psychology, isolation to facilitate abuse, emotional isolation, social isolation, solitary confinement and solitude)
While Wikipedia describes loneliness as a response to isolation and then labels isolation as a process or act then maybe one can infer that isolation causes loneliness and both are related, but let’s review more details as to why they are important and what their purpose is.
Loneliness and Isolation both seem to have negative connotations, basically undesirable conditions that we should avoid. Instead of focusing on the negative aspects let’s see how we can leverage these conditions to create better versions of ourselves.
Our culture and society through tradition has cultivated and engrained expectations within the population in attempts to groom well-adjusted contributors. We have rules, laws, regulations, definitions, systems, hierarchies, governments, businesses, communities, prisons, taxes, religions, sciences and the list just continues. We live in a fascinating, complex and competitive time with so many conveniences and options. While most of the population seems to work well with all these options and opportunities, some will either moan on occasion or take more time to question this process. It is through this process of questioning where one may begin to experience loneliness and isolation. As you slow down and take time away from your tightly patterned day, you can use that time to analyze how you are operating daily and if the results are worth your efforts.
While our evolution has churned out many positive results and beneficial systems, it can sometimes feel like the constant successes, failures, striving, expecting and competing can understandably start to wear you out physically and emotionally. We are accustomed to this process and most consider it life’s growing pains. We are accustomed to this process so we stay on track, do what is expected and continue forward.
Taking care of business, feeding the family, paying taxes, stuck in traffic, being polite, avoiding confrontation in the name of self-preservation, living in what feels like simulated and artificial environments where we have created strategic relationships to service us both personally and professionally. Sometimes however, one may begin to question how this process is working and if it makes sense to continue on as usual.
It is in the process of questioning and reviewing our discouragement with what we believed to be a “normal” life where we can begin experiencing combinations of loneliness and isolation. The mere act of slowing down or stopping abruptly to question and analyze what you have been habitually spending your life doing can seem unsettling. You may find yourself a bit unsatisfied and possibly resentful that you are questioning the life living process that most others find seemingly normal. Most of us have been well trained growing up. Be polite, respect your elders, listen to your parents, go to school, make friends, study hard and get the best grades possible, graduate high school, graduate college or learn a trade, continue your education and get another degree, find a well-paying job, settle down and start a family, work hard, find a better paying job, be a good husband or wife, buy a house, make your family larger, save your money, vacation for 2 or 3 weeks, find a better paying job, save your money, retire, the end…
Beyond what was just mentioned, competing and striving in all these areas has helped to create fast paced, finely tuned, neurotic collection of human machines. We race and dance around from one location to another, always busy, and usually feeling unsatisfied but never realizing the severity of this chronic condition. The solution to solving or easing this unsatisfied feeling is usually to seek “more” of what is already cycling through our habitual life. We tend to look for more of what we have been striving for. More money, better job, larger family, longer vacations, a bigger house, another house, a different wife or husband, a better education or more relationships. The problem is that we are filling our lives to capacity with stuff that is not helping. If we are fortunate enough to realize this crazy cycle, the most natural thing we can do is just stop and stand still for a while. We begin to notice the bad habits and realize that we are on a perpetual endless treadmill of “more”. The nature of stepping off this treadmill and analyzing ones empty habits can lead to loneliness and isolation.
Loneliness and isolation can be beneficial in helping you to honestly review habits that seem to be uncontrollably consuming your life. The act of stepping off that treadmill of habitual conformity will initially feel very unnatural and fearful, but stepping away from a situation to better analyze what is happening is ultimately a practical empowering effort. A side effect of this process can be both loneliness and isolation. You may need to physically remove yourself from situations like a job, relationship, or process in order to change your perspective and give you a more realistic opportunity to evaluate, change and discover different goals or fulfilling habits. This process of physically removing yourself is isolating, but this process is beneficial. The physical act of isolation can also produce feelings of loneliness. You may feel lonely because you are not experiencing your usual “dose” of conceitedness. Simply being aware and expecting the possibility of feeling loneliness will better prepare you for this situation.
Being alone and isolated are good ways to quarantine you from what you are attempting to analyze. Just like being physically sick in bed can help you recover and regain strength, taking a mental break by being alone and isolated can help you analyze and develop a better life. Just like being lost in the woods for example; when you realize you are lost, you take a break from heading in your current direction and stop. When you are stopped, you can now take out a map or analyze the direction you have been taking. After some analysis you either pick a new direction or continue on your previous path. When you are lost in the woods you are physically alone. When you are slowing down mentally to analyze your life’s direction or removing yourself physically from a relationship or situation to rest, you may label this loneliness and isolation. These are beneficial and practical conditions which are helpful.
The negativity usually associated with loneliness and isolation is where these conditions are chronic or parasitic and not being utilized in a valuable way. If you are “stuck” in loneliness or isolation then you are most likely standing still, over analyzing or fearful. Referring back to being lost in the woods or overcoming a typical physical sickness, you are resting, analyzing then choosing a direction. It does not necessarily matter how long you are analyzing or resting, as long as you are making progress, you are ok. If however you are unable to make progress and remain still or stuck, this is where the negative connotation occurs. If you are stuck and unable to determine the best direction, choose ANY direction temporarily. Once you are on a new path, continue to analyze your life and adjust when necessary. This practice will eventually become second nature and you will become a better version of you, using loneliness and isolation to analyze and improve your life.